Help making a transition to an observant life
Question
Rabbi Abadi, Since September I have been davening shacharit every day. Mostly by myself. Starting first with Hebrew that is transliterated and repeating the English to ensure I have understood the meaning. For parts of my siddur which were not transliterated, I have been reading just the English which I comprehend. I have found it to be very meaningful and have wanted to increase my practice of traditional Judaism. My wife and I have kept a "kosher" house for some time and only eat vegetarian and fish at home (unfortunately not fully understanding about cheese but now somewhat more educated thanks to your website). I recently decided to try to go all the way, as it were, and keep kosher outside the house. But have very little guidance apart from your website which I try to comprehend fully. Now I understand that I am not totally doing it right but I am learning and trying. I also recently decided to try and daven in a minyan. For the past couple of days I've gone to an orthodox shul and davened with them. All of the spirituality that I've felt when davening myself is gone...Folks fly through the prayers at record speed. Since I have almost no hope of keeping up (while at the same time comprehending) in Hebrew, I try to keep up in English. Even then I have trouble keeping up. If these folks are davening with kavanah they are geniuses. Maybe they are! Anyhow, I'm quite discouraged. I'm an educated man, trying to become more observant and I am turned off by what I see. This is not necessarily going to dissuade me but I'd like some guidance as to how to go about this transition. Thanks, Jim
Answer
Answered by Chaim Yisrael AbadiYou are so very right. Always remember that most of those people daven with the same motivation and thought process, that you and I use to brush our teeth each morning. We were told we must do it, we have been doing it our whole life, and it certainly has its benefits. No matter what the person's background, the work necessary to become properly observant is substantial, and lasts a lifetime. The problem is that people who did not grow up observant, realize what they are missing, while those people you see davening in Shul, will probably never know. We don't often see an FFB (Frum From Birth) guy actually working on himself, on advancing in character and observance. This was the main purpose of the prophets in the olden days. Each person would go to the local prophet, who would tell him/her what work they needed on themselves; what they were put on this earth to accomplish. When you see yourself trying to become like these people around you in Shul, you get discouraged, because your soul knows that this can't be it! And you are right. This will be a lifetime battle, until you are capable of accepting that everyone else is crazy and you are the normal one. Usually that type of thinking gets you admitted into a psychiatric ward. But it is the only way you can really work it through. When you wake up in the morning, and you add an extra step onto your road to observance, you have fought a battle with that other side of you (AKA the Yetzer Harah) pushing you to "just say no." Most FFB's wake up with an absolute blank, every morning. Just another day. The only things that gets us those points, are the battles that we fight. Even the ones that we fight and lose, gets us points for fighting. Then we get another chance the next day to try again, and hopefully win. Anyone not at war, either is dead, or he/she gave up. The average religious Jew gave up. They have a routine that they follow, that is 80% socially motivated. It is hard to be Mekarev (bring back) people that were not observant, but it is almost impossible to bring back the observant, because in their minds, they never left. With this website we have elevated the wake-up call to the observant, with what I would call "shock treatment." It has been having an effect, but I don't expect everyone to just start changing, especially people that are doing everything right. I have gone through what you are going through, my entire life. For a period of time, I tried praying with the early sunrise minyan. The people there where always shouting, shaking, and making all sorts of noises. Each one was holier than the next. (Incidentally, the loudest one is in jail now for murdering his wife). For a while I would pray in the next room and come in only for Shemonah Esrey/Amidah. Eventually, I stopped going totally. The next Minyan that I went to, if you sneezed, you missed half of it. I am a very fast reader in Hebrew and I could not keep up with them. At this point, I have found a Yeshiva nearby with a relatively sincere and peaceful davening, Yeshiva Sh'or Yoshuv. I go there, or I just stay home. If I miss that Minyan, I pray at home. There is no requirement to pray in a Minyan, it just enhances the prayer when it is done in a group of 10 or more. That kind of Minyan certainly cannot enhance much. A 10 year old boy was telling me about most of his classmates mumbling through the davening, while he gets in trouble for going too slow. They train them very young. You need to wake up each morning and remind yourself of the path that you have chosen. You did not join a group. You have realized that there is a God, who gave out a set of rules. If you were the only person in the world to realize this, that would be fine, & you would still follow it. Thank God it isn't that bad, but don't expect Orthodox Jews to be the model for God's will. Every person is given Bechirah, the ability to choose between right and wrong, and everyone is given their own road, their own point A & point B. You keep your concentration on the road ahead, carefully avoiding any potholes, and try not to worry about the other cars, as many will crash and burn. On one hand, it might be disheartening to hear this at the outset, but I hope that this will help you through what could be a bumpy road. I wish you much success in your endeavors, and feel free to call on me anytime. AA If I can just add a quote from Rav Noach Weinberg, the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivas Aish Hatorah in Yerushalayim, 26 years ago in Fox Lieberman Hotel, Lakewood. He said "Never judge the Jewish Religion by the Jews". Internalize that and you will make it. CYA