Shelo Asani Isha B'racha
Question
bs"d There are some of us who have put a bit more thought into this b'racha than most. Shelo asani isha.... ...to be forced to wear non-tzniut clothing, r"l, by my husband. ...to be left an agunah, r"l, by my husband. ...to bear children, work full-time, and support my family while my husband pretends to learn in kollel, r"l. ...to have to raise thousands of dollars to pay the extorsion demands of my ex-husband to get my get, r"l. ... to have to endure verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, r"l, from my husband. ...to have life come from my body, because if we men had to bear children, the human race would come to an end. ...to be oogled at at simchot, chatunot, etc, by other men. ...to have little or no voice in community affairs. The most important thing about being a man and saying this b'racha is the chance to be in total, unfathomable awe as to what spiritual level women must be at that they have NO positive mitzvah of talmud torah (except for what they are obligated in), the one thing that is at the CENTER of a Jewish man's existence (along with halacha l'maaseh)!!
Answer
Answered by Aaron AbadiSome men can be very bad people. Bechirah (choice) is given to everyone. Leaving someone an Agunah is worse than killing them, and believe me, their punishment is worse too. Making the wife dress not Tzniut, should be left for the bedroom. The dressing, the Kollel, the working, the children, and the abuse are all not a part of your requirement with such a man or with anyone. JUST SAY NO! The kollel for him is not a Mitzvah. What? He's learning how to be abusive?! The extortion is a sickness in our society and the Rabbanim who promote it (unfortunately many) are responsible for it's existence. I have some ideas to resolve these things for the future, but they still need some work. If you've experienced this hell, I'd love to talk to you and get some feedback to help work out a plan. please email me. When my father was the Rav in Lakewood, the exclusive Rav, the Shalom Bayit was very stable, and they say that there were no divorces. One women told me recently that in those days, all a woman needed to do to get an issue resolved was to say, "should I call Rav Yitzchok?" He believed in right and wrong and he enforced it. People are usually parts of a community, and would not want to be ostricized by their own Rabbis. It is therefore the Rabbi's fault if this happens, and he doesn't throw the guy out of his Shul, and curse him out publicly, yelling it from the rooftops. Lashon Harah is a big sin, but many times it is a big Mitzvah. If anyone has experiences in this field, and would want to help work out a solution, by giving feedback, feel free to email me. [email hidden] The Brachot (blessings) were made for the good people. The thanking God for opportunities to sin, is in itself a sin. On the other hand, we must always remember that even when another person does something to us, good or bad, it is only upon the command of God. He has many messengers. He uses the good ones for good errands and the bad people for the bad stuff. Everything has it's reasons and often years later you can see the good in some of things. But trust God, he knows what his doing. AA