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Question
Thank you Rabbi. That was a very helpful response. I have 2 follow-up questions, 1 about the strict kashrut of the matter, the other about the diplomacy ... 1. You say the guests shouldn't have worried about absorbed non-kosher tam because of stam keilim ainum beney yomam. I know this concept applies to utensils, i.e., we can presume they haven't been used for 24 hrs. if we're not sure. But what about an oven? In this case, the kugel was cooked in an oven that - as far as the leaders/guests knew - had been used for tref right before the kugel was cooked. (Actually, it had been used for dairy, but my friend cleaned it and left it on before making the kugel.) Should they still not worry about the absorption of tref based on the 2. The saga continues ... My friend's husband, at minyan, told the guest that he noticed they didn't eat the kugel, and didn't want this to be a problem (i.e., people not eating their food/at their house) in their new community, and point-blank asked the guest how he could make him comfortable. The guest answered that he didn't really know how my friend's kitchen was set up and thought it "better safe than sorry." (I'm glad he feels so safe - my friend feels sorry - she doesn't need pareve dishes for any reason other than to make food for others, but if they don't eat it ...) He basically told my friend's husband that he'd come inspect my friend's kitchen, ask some questions, and (assuming it was kosher enough for him) spread the word in the community that it was OK to eat my friend's food. Again, we all understand the kashrut concerns, but friend feels humiliated and not in the mood for an inspection. I personally think it would have been MUCH better if the guests were just honest at the dinner table, explained their concerns, and allowed my friend to answer what was in the stupid kugel! After all this, how should she handle the situation? Thanks for following this mishigoss and for your thoughts.
Answer
Answered by Aaron Abadi1) An oven does not carry the flavor in the air from one food to another. In the olden days, they baked directly on the oven, that was a bit different. 2) Your friend should keep far away from arrogant people like that. Ignore the issue. Drop it completely, and just don't waste your time with these idiots. If I had a dime for each person that wouldn't eat in my house, I'd be a very wealthy man. My father studied in Lakewood under Rav Aaron Kotler. He came in 1952 or 53, and learned under him for about ten years. The Yeshiva would get their Challah from the local bakery, Gelbstiens, which at the time was not a kosher bakery. The Challah of course was fine, so Rav Aaron and the entire community would get their Challah there. My father remembers that there were students at the table in Yeshiva, while Rav Aaron was making Hamotzie on the Challah, and these guys brought their own Matzohs, because they wouldn't eat the Challah. The same was with the milk, since Rav Aaron was against the "Cholov Yisroel" craze, and he refused for years to allow it in Yeshiva. The same happened with Pesach. A former student once came to visit Rav Aaron on Pesach, but when he was offered by his Rebbi cake that was not Gebrocks (using Matzah meal) he declined to eat it. Rav Aaron said, "don't worry, it's not Gebrocks." But the student said he can't eat it, because he can't eat on Rav Aaron's dishes, since Rav Aaron eats Gebrocks. This is a true story, and sadly enough, I've seen this a million times. People ask my father the most complicated Nidah questions, but when he says something is kosher, they'd rather not eat it. "What do I need it for?" We are all in the same boat with Rav Aaron Kotler, so let's not feel so bad. This whole Chassidishe Minhag (Hassidic Custom) of not eating by others on Pesach is a grave sin, and is clearly the opposite of a Mishnah at the end of Chagigah. My advice to you, your friends, and all Jews, is to keep far away from these people. They are acting as if they're the "Frum" ones. They're people with the worst Midot (character traits), and their souls are from the Erev Rav (the converts accepted by Moshe upon leaving Egypt). This is written very clearly in the GR"A at the end of Even Shelema. Don't let this discourage them from progressing in their observance of the religion. If anything, let's all realize that they don't represent God's religion. We do. And we are going to slowly but surely grow in our religion, in spite of these #$@%. AA