Seder

Answer

Answered by Chaim Yisrael Abadi

If he is an Egyptian, I'd run for my life.... LOL It's a loaded question. I need actual details to answer. Email me. AA Oh! I think I have a simple solution. First, tell him he can't eat from 12:00 noon Erev Pesach...In other words: Starve him real good. Second: If you're blessed with a large family, make sure every single kid gets to say every "dvar torah" on every single part of the Haggadah. If you dont have yet, borrow the neighbors' kids...Just for a few hours. Oh, make sure you have him drink the nastiest 4 cups of wine you can possibly get your hands on. Now, when it comes to eating the Matzos...Serve him last year's matzoh...you know the fattest matzoh you had left over because it was so thick you couldn't get your teeth through it...but refused to throw out because you paid fortune for it..add to that a year's worth of humid petrid weather..oh just imagine how stale... But wait.. He must have a Brisker "Ka'Zayit", or Belz..same difference...Tell him he must chew the WHOLE ka'zayit and swallow all at once...oh my..Did you ever see a pit viper swallow a rat...Keep an eye on his throat.. Next..MAROR!! Take a huge Romain Lettuce leaf, unwashed, (you don't want to deprive him the lady bugs); roll it in, no less, a Brisker size ka'zayit of freshly ground horseradish, sprinkled with jalapenos, and again, must chew and swallow the whole thing in one gulp. Now, take the above, and make a KORACH..OUCH! And now for the much awaited "Shulchan Oruch". First, for legal puposes, check for his pulse..and have sign a disclaimer..Just to CYA..NOT RELATED!! A few slices of jarred gifilte fish, matzoh balls that would be effective even in Iraq, no meat..only the boiled chicken left over from the chicken soup, which was cooked and re-cooked, and re-cooked...(Firstly because, you couldn't cook anything containing chometz for at least a week before Pesach..it's true, ask my mother in law. Actually, i think that even though the chicken is long dead, it would still be considered animal cruelty to cook the poor thing so many times..and especially without any spices at all..Because most of them are Kitniyot..I think this year SALT is becoming Kitniyot, I'll have to check with either my mother in law or Blumenkrantz). Another kazayit matzoh, for the Afikoman, you know which matzoh, right? Another cup of wine, the syrup type, remember? Some more Divrei Torah on Hallel... And, last but not least, One more cup of wine..you know which type, right? Tell him, if after all that, if he says all the Haggadah extras, at the end, he'll totally sidestep Purgatory. Now, if he still wants to come again, have his head examined, or your sister's. LYA Hi eli and adina PS. Hope you don't mind my shout outs