teshuva
Question
Kavod HaRav, With Rosh Hashana approaching (faster than I can believe!), I was wondering about a few aspects of teshuva: 1) I know that one may say Lashon Hara if it is for a constuctive purpose, but does that apply to other actions? For example, if I did something or acted in a manner which the other person was offended by, but I did it only to help them realize they needed help (all done with the advice of a mutual mentor), do I need to ask forgiveness from the other person since they were offended, but in essence, did nothing wrong (I think) since I only did it for their own good in the end? 2) Is it better to ask forgiveness by simply saying, "do you forgive me for anything I might have done wrong to you?", or by specifically stating, "do you forgive me for any time I might have said lashon hara about you, lied to you, hurt your feelings....."? 3) Must one ask forgiveness from someone, if it will very likely rekindle the hurt and possibly cause more problems? Thank you for your time!
Answer
Answered by Aaron Abadi1) every situation needs to be dealt with separately. In this case, even if you meant well, if you can say something to the person to have them not be upset at you, why not do it. On the other hand, if it is more complicated than that, and you did the right thing, then just forget it. 2) Use your judgment. Don't insult the person more while asking forgiveness. 3) same. Try appeasing them in other ways, causing them to not be angry at you without even bringing up the issue. If a person embarrassed another in public, if he wanted to correct that, he can show respect in public a few times until he will see the person has no more grudge against him. It's all delicate & needs a lot of common sense. AA