trust
Question
Rabbi, A friend just moved to a new community. She and her family are shul shopping, but have gone to 1 particular place several times, her husband to minyan, etc. She doesn't cover hair, and obviously, they are not so learned, but commited. And her kitchen is kosher - they don't even eat meat, have pareve dishes, and all products are hechshered. They were invited to dinner by friends they'd made and asked to bring a side dish, and she made a pareve kugel. Another couple at the dinner - leaders in the community - didn't eat it, although they ate a storebought similar thing. My friend feels bad. I don't blame her, although I don't know what the right answer is. Should the others trust her kashrut w/out having inspected her kitchen? Should they have asked her directly about her kashrut at the dinner table? I understand their concerns, but if they can't trust, how can community work? She can't open her kitchen to everyone for regular inspections.
Answer
Answered by Aaron AbadiExcellent issue! Here is an example where God puts before us a Nisayon, a test. Will you do the right thing? Will you choose right from wrong? If you are allowed to eat it, and you don't eat it, then you have just insulted someone. Not just a regular insult, but rather a serious enough insult to cause this couple to question their membership in the religion. We have all seen what this can cause. On the other hand, if you are not allowed to eat it, then be as polite as you can, but certainly don't eat it. A tough decision. It all depends on the laws we constantly discuss here. This couple is new to the neghborhood, and possible not as observant as some of the others. They don't know the people. The so-called "leaders" are afraid that her home isn't 100% Kosher, maybe the new couple are sincere people, but maybe they just don't know enough about the laws of Kosher eating. The "leaders" can ask them straight out and embarass them, or they can just claim a stomach-ache or something. On the other hand, why not try to use the brains. You know, that noodle-like substance inside some people's skulls. Work through some basic logic. What could be wrong with this food? It's a Pareve Kugel. Ok. Ask the host privately, "these people are vegetarian?" or, "these people are strictly kosher?" If yes on either question, then you don't need to worry much. But the first thing the brain should be doing, is thinking, "what can be in this kugel that might be a problem?" Absorbed non-kosher flavor is not a problem, because we say "Stam KEilim Ainum Beney Yomam." If you recognize the kugel, and it is a common recipe, ask the Rebbetzin (Rabbi's wife) if there is a chance of cheese or lard. If it is a broccoli kugel, make sure that the brand used is either "Bodek," or Gush Katif. I'm guessing that we shouldn't be eating broccoli kugel at those "leaders" homes, either. It's something that needs to be weighed very carefully. The consequences of wrongfully embarrasing someone are severe. AA