tzniut committee
Question
I can identify with Rochella's frustration over the scalp wig issue. It's beyond me why some people feel it's their obligation to join the "tzniut mafia". At the tender age of 13 my daughter felt the full brunt of it. The school she attended already took away all individualism by enforcing the most unattractive uniform money could buy. Even with the uniform whe was attacked for such trivialities as: having a hood on her sweatshirt, wearing her ponytail a trifle to high, wearing earrings that were 1/16 of a centimeter too long, wearing knee socks verus thigh highs (her uniform skirt was 4 inches below her knee). She was warned on off days that her skirts shouldn't be too long and was given a speech about tzniut bathing suits! They never saw her extraordinary middot, never noticed what a mentch she was. She received an unbelievable eduation in sinat chinum. I'm positive there is going to be a special place in hell reserved for members of these tzniut mafias.
Answer
Answered by Chaim Yisrael AbadiI understand your frustrations. This issue is all part of the outside being more important then the inside. Those of us that decide to settle here in Lakewood, need to teach and instill in our children, through osmosis, that Lakewood is a great place to live. Because of how much Torah is here and the ability to be insulated from society (as much as is possible). Again, as I said in a recent reply, we need to separate the "mafia" as you call them from the real Jews and identify ourselves with the latter. If a child is explained that all through life she will have run-ins with bad people and good people, it is easier for the child to not allow the bad people to have an effect on her. She can say to herself "this must be one of those people who my parents warned me about and I just have to listen to them and say yes yes yes, not be disrespectful but not let them hurt me because they are bad". There are bad apples in every bunch. Korach and the Erev Rav had fruma reasons for what they did. Look where that got them. IF you as a rule ask a Rov (one) all questions, your children will grow up knowing that they do everything according to a Rov. Then a child will never be affected by those that are worried about the outside look. The employees of schools who say and do some of those things, are, by their own admissions, ruled by what will the street say about us. I don't know if they are wrong or not. Because, as bad as this may sound it is sadly true, for a school to survive, you must follow the system to some extent. This is a tough community in that respect. We need to rise above it for our children's sake. We need to tell our children, "take from the school the good and the bad just follow in school, in order not to get in trouble". What does a child do if they are taught something different in school then what they do at home? They need to get it right on the test. You say to them "just remember it for the test" the same goes for all aspects of school. Keep a positive attitude! It will be worth the trouble. CYA