Days between onot
Question
hello! I've been learning (reviewing) the laws of niddah with a friend. I've been married a long time and have been observing the days between the onot as anticipation days as well. Sometimes the three onot do not fall on consecutive or same days, and there is a day or two between one halachic anticipation date and another (ie, the 30th day is on the 14th, but the date I got my period last month was the 12th....) I finally asked my Rav, because my period was 3 days late last month and I thought (was hoping) that I might be pregnant..... for those 3 days, we still kept anticipating. I finally called, because when I had a negative pregnancy test, I knew, logically, that my period should/would be coming soon, but on the other hand, when learning with my friend, she told me I was probably holding too strictly---- that when we DO have the opportunity to be together, we should be. My Rav did not give me an answer and told me to ask a different Rav. The second Rav is difficult to contact, so while waiting for an answer from him, I'd like to hear what various opinions are on the issue--- I'll follow what the Rav tells us, but in the meantime I'd like to learn more. We no longer need an immediate answer---- I'm not pregnant, and knew that for certain later that day. So in those days between onot, or those days AFTER the onot (it's the 32nd, 33rd, 34th day of the cycle.....) --------- do we anticipate? how much? how little? Thank you! --anonymous in Los Angeles
Answer
Answered by Aaron AbadiDon't ask any Rav! The Rav and/or woman who originally taught you and/or your husband the Laws of Nidah, and your Rav (who I assume is married) should be ashamed of themselves. I'm sorry for being so rude, but this mistake probably caused thousands of times where people were not having relations in anticipation of a period, even though the Onah time already passed. . If this Rav is married himself and doesn't know this most basic rule, he should go into another business. Have him contact me and I will tell him myself. The Onah time, which is that "anticipation" time, is only for half a day, either a day or a night, to abstain from relations. (There is an opinion that says it should be 24 hours total (Ohr Zarua). We do not follow that opinion, because it is a Chumrah upon a Derabanan, and received very little support from the rest of the Acharonim.) But certainly before and after those specific days, one is permitted and required to fulfill their Mitzvah of Peru URevu! This is a Mishnah, and Gemara, Shulchan Aruch, etc.... These are the A B C's... This mistake could have easily cost many people the ability to have children in a time when they were able to, but were unnecessarily restricted. You seem to be hoping to get pregnant, and I wish you Hatzlacha! Do you have my father's "Nidah Booklet?" It can be ordered free by emailing me a name and mailing address to [email hidden]. Go through it thoroughly with your husband, and then email me that you've read it well. I will email you my telephone number, and we'll do a 10-minute review on the phone, with you and your husband, and then I'm certain that much of the obstacles of getting pregnant shall disappear, like magic. The rule in this case is that you do not anticipate anything. When it comes it comes. Until then, keep the Mitzvot as usual. There are two specific times (Onot) that we must abstain from relations. Those are the exact day of the following Hebrew month as the previous period, called Onat HaChodesh. The second time (Onah) is the same length of time between the previous two periods (specifically day 1 of each period). For example, if the last two periods were 34 days apart, then 34 days after that day 1 of your current period will be your time of anticipation, called Onat Haflagah. These times are for about 12 hours, either a full day or a full night. If the last period started at night, then the Onat Hachidesh is for that same night on the next month. There are hundreds of Rabbis teaching these laws, and they are playing with fire. I shudder just to think of the veracity of their actions. How many people it affects and how serious it is considered in the Torah. In Navie Shmuel A 2, there is the story of Eili Hacohen, who was the High Priest. The women were required to bring a Sacrafice to the Temple after a specific time-period when they gave birth to a child, prior to becoming "Tahor," (pure or clean (really neither)). The sons of Eili, who was certainly a huge Tzaddik (Pious Man), were in charge of operations at the Temple, which at that time was in Shiloh. The sons made the women wait too long on line to get their sacrifices done, and caused them to get home to their husbands much later than necessary. The Pasuk does not say it in those terms. The Pasuk refers to this sin as if the sons of Eili were "sleeping with the women." Why? Because they got home one night later, and could not be with their husband for one night. Wow! What a sin. The punishment to Eili and his family for this sin and others was that all his family will die at eighteen years old, generation after generation. The Talmud testifies to this curse, that it was still continuing over a thousand years afterwards. Clearly this is a dangerous field to play with. When a person does a sin in his home or wherever, he did a sin. Not good, but no disaster. When a person causes that man and woman should not be together for even one night, the damage causes a domino effect that puts this person and his deeds into a whole new league. May God have mercy on us! AA